Category: Bigger Picture Blogs

“Please stop yelling,” I whispered harshly to my little ones. We were grocery shopping on New Year’s Eve, and they were acting like lunatics. Ok, maybe I thought they were acting like lunatics. Everyone we passed smiled at them, but I couldn’t decide if they were smiling because the boys were funny or  if they were holding back evil laughter and thanking god those weren’t their kids. Whatever it was, I was mad and I was going to make sure the world knew it.

 

“Ugh…the New Year is going out like a lion,” I lamented in a FB post. Luckily I wasn’t alone in my lamenting. However, I didn’t want it to be this way.

 

I had envisioned my time with the boys over winter break as a Norman Rockwell-esq Facebook post, complete with a cute Vine video of them laughing and playing in the snow. Ummmm….not happening.

 

Instead I was subjected to snipes, grumbles, mumbles and temper tantrums. To be honest after the first day home I didn’t really want to be with them. Those kids are cray cray and they don’t come with a volume control either. I figured by the time break was over I’d need to be committed to an insane asylum {or I’d just volunteer so I could watch TV in peace} and I’d be deaf.

 

I was looking forward longingly to my mom-day on Monday, one whole day that I  “intentionally” took off from work, in order to reboot my soul. A day to just sit alone in the house. Maybe read a book, or binge watch some episodes of Glee and pin crap off Pinterest that I’d never do. This day was my out…my oasis in the chaos.

 

Then with one phone call it all fell apart – school was cancelled for Monday. Mother Nature, thwarted my plan. I swear she doesn’t have children, otherwise she would have understood my disappointment.

 

The grouchiness grew and as I snapped my gazillionth “no” of the day, I looked at my FB page of rants, and my one word that was staring at me from the screen, and I said, “no more.”

 

If I want to live intentionally with these two boys I need to join in the fun {no matter how crazy} and just “be” with them.

 

I said “yes” to playing games and trains.

 

I took deep breaths and counted to 10 {A LOT}, but patience won over irritation.

 

I lived in the moment instead of looking toward escaping to the next.

 

And when the phone rang again on Monday announcing no school for Tuesday I danced a little happy dance in the kitchen.

 

My eldest and I spent the whole day alone together. We went to Target {of course}, but we also cleaned, and played some games, watched a movie and bonded over dragons and Star Wars.

 

Our relationship was mended.

 

I said no less and he said yes more.

 

We were a mother and son instead of enemies.

 

 

Turns out my soul didn’t need a mom day it needed a kid day.

I walked back into my office last Thursday smiling. It was a “good” day, we had just finished E’s conferences and his teacher gave him a glowing report. He’s outbursts are few and far between, he’s reading well, and likes to participate. Everything I had hoped for him was coming true.

 

Then the bottom dropped out.

 

The frustrated texts began.

 

With each one my blood began to boil.

 

 

Then BAM!

 

It took only 2 hours and our son, had been suspended from the After School Program for a day due to an outburst.

 

 

Then I was informed that from now one I’d have to drop BOTH kids off at school every morning {which takes an hour}.

 

This was not how I had envisioned the night going.

 

I grew angrier and angrier. Then bitterness swept in. The “what ifs” started too, those never help.

 

I went to bed with tears in my eyes and doubts in my heart.

 

The next morning was a new day full of sunshine.

 

I vowed to myself that I would not let last night’s debacle taint the day for it was only a temporary setback.

 

In truth, everything was still ok.

 

Our angst and irritation were only temporary and we needed to move forward. Three year olds don’t have time or patience for moody parents.

 

So, I whispered the words “I forgive. I forgive …” Granted everyone in my house {including myself and the cat} Grace, and started a new day.

 

Because these moments are only temporary.

 

 

 

As I learned that day in a split second life can just up and pull a switchero on you, and you might be left with tears or smiles.

 

While I prefer smiles, not everyday can be full of unicorns and rainbows. There needs to be both good and bad, happy and sad.

 

Each moment may seem like forever and anyone that has a child will tell you that. When babies don’t sleep and you feel like it will never end. BAM! The next day they sleep 7 hours straight and wake up talking.

 

Because moments are temporary.

 

 

On days like Thursday I grow fustrated with the kids. The whining, the outbursts, the temper tantrums, but I remember THIS is only temporary and there will be a day when there will be no more whining, outbursts or temper tantrums. I’ll be left alone at the kitchen table while they run off with friends, head to college and eventually start families of their own.

 

Because it’s all temporary.

 

So we must capture each and every moment and live through it, feel it, and remember it, whether it’s good or bad because nothing lasts forever.

 

Because our time here is only temporary.

He stood on the wooden stairs of our new house. Packing boxes scattered around him. I was sweating buckets hauling, moving and unpacking, and his little body perched on the stairs created a roadblock to my progress, “hey buddy you need to move so mama can get by,” I encourage him.

 

“No mama, I jump,” he says.

 

At which point he proceeds to jump, which basically means he hops and steps down onto the floor.

 

He repeats this about a billion times or at least it seems like a billion. Then bravely climbs up to the next stair. I wait with baited breath. Will he jump?

 

He looks at me sensing my anticipation “You catch me?” he asks smiling.

 

A question with so many connotations and only one answer …

 

“YES, of course,” I say relieved, as I’d rather not have to visit the ER.

 

He trusted me to say yes. There was no doubt on his face that I would say no, and let him fall on his face. I’ll always be there to catch both my boys when the need me, and my husband too.

 

Sometimes they want me to catch them and other times when I’m prepared with outreached arms ready to feel their bodies lurch into mine I’m left empty.

 

Because at a certain point in their lives they can finally jump on their own. They trust their judgment and my arms might prove to be more of a roadblock than a comfort. So, I step aside and let them jump from time to time.

 

I smile on the outside and encourage their forward momentum. While on the inside I’m screaming “NO” and my arms ache to cushion their fall.

 

We continue this jump and catch game another billion times, my arms aching and my heart bursting with joy. Then he says the words I knew were coming “I do myself.”

 

Stepping aside I let him go on his own, his jump is perfected now and he gets air, flies and lands … CLUNK safely on the ground.

 

I’ll always be there to catch them.

 

 

But I also know sometimes you need to just let them JUMP, because they need to fly.