If You Give Your Kid a Pancake

If you give your kid a pancake, he’ll want syrup to go with it.     You will scream internally, then lie and try to hide the syrup bottle in the crisper drawer next to the brown Brussel sprouts. But he is on to your trickery and quickly finds the plastic bottle of stickiness. You will try to grab it from him, but you are too late. He has already drenched his pancakes in a sugary maple river. As he pours the syrup little strings of stickiness slide down the side of … [Read more...]

The Number No Parent Wants to Dial

“Hey, Grant,” I yell as we tromp into the house, sweaty and thirsty from our walk.   Whose bright idea was it to go walking on a 90-degree day in 90% humidity? Oh, yeah I’ll blame Pokemon Go! for that one. Even though it felt like we were walking on the surface of the sun it was nice to break free from the confines of home.   “I’m going to take a bath,” E yells as he scrambles up the stairs.   “GRANT!” I yell again.   “He’s not here,” yells my … [Read more...]

WB Monkey You are Going DOWN!

I have a pet monkey. He’s not really a pet. More like a super annoying loiterer who hangs out on my back all the time. He just sits there eating bananas and picking at my hair. Oh, and he likes to steal. This little klepto snatches every little tidbit of creativity from my soul. I’m not exactly sure where he came from, but I do remember the first time I noticed his weight on my back. One day life was going along just fine and then BAM out of nowhere he pounced and took up residence. This … [Read more...]

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