Lost and Found: BPM

“What the hell, “ I scream in the silent car, as a silver SUV pulls out in front of me, narrowly missing my front fender. I throw my hands in air waving madly trying to get the driver’s attention. They are oblivious. It’s as if I’m invisible.


“Ouch, jeez guys,” I say in irritation, “do you not notice me here.” They don’t hear my words and continue bouncing on the couch. Their heavy bodies jostle me, and a random hand flies through the air meeting my ribcage, heavy and hard. I recoil from the sudden sharp pain, and walk away nursing my wound.

No one notices my departure.

Why would they?

They barely knew I was there to begin with.


“So get this,” I tell my husband excitedly. “I did my first pitch today, and it was great I actually got an email back from them.”

“Oh, that’s cool.” He says as he walks through me into bedroom where he plops onto the bed to watch PTI.

My eyes roll back into my head, and I begin to wonder if I really am invisible today.


Is anyone hearing my words?

Seeing my soul?

Celebrating my accomplishments?

The anxiety starts to build, and the loneliness in my heart grows perpetually larger as I call friends and their monotone voice messages answer. I begin to crawl deeper into the rabbit hole, and those feelings of nothingness start overwhelm me.

I send a Tweet, update my Facebook status, send an email and write a blog post hoping for some connection. Waiting for someone to finally acknowledge my words, and my heart.



Just the deafening silence.

I try venturing into the living room, wondering if the boys are ready for some hugs and kisses, but they are still lost in their own world. Continuoulsy bouncing on the couch, which sags sadly from their weight. I know better than to risk another rib and climb into that mess. My heart needs hugs not roughhousing.

The hubs jets past me out the door to get the pizza, and I’m left wandering looking for connections.

The night passes, and the loneliness lingers. Still silence.

Eventually, the boys are done with roughhousing and are looking for hugs. Unfortunately, it’s too little too late and I’ve sunken too far into the rabbit hole for them to pull me out. My hubs tries as well, but I’m done.

Another day needs to come.

One with sunshine, and open hearts.


The sun has risen, and I’m writing. My heart open waiting for you to hear.

Waiting to be noticed.

And it came, I started with a “Good Morning”, and she answered. Like I knew she would. We are both early risers, and we chatted as we wrote.

With each connection, my heart slowly filled.

What was empty is now full.

What was invisible is now seen.

And what was lost is now found.


Simply absorbing a moment, that’s my Simple Moment, Bigger Picture this week. What’s Yours?
Harness the moment. Write it down, share a picture, a poem or prose. However YOU need to process and remember the moment. All moments big and small.
Link up yours at Melissa’s this week.
Try to visit the other participants and encourage each other in this journey we call life.

12 thoughts on “Lost and Found: BPM

  1. It does seem to be a part of motherhood….maybe even womanhood that we tend to go unnoticed. I think it is because we are so reliable and good at what we do that it would take our absence for the folks around us to truly understand how much they rely on us, how much we accomplish and how well we do it. And I am not even being sarcastic here. I have decided this just flat out the truth.
    So, from that perspective, Brooke, the day you had tells me that you are incredibly efficient, dependable and phenomenal!
    May recently posted..That’s Not FairMy Profile

  2. Oh man, I really get this. It is so easy to feel invisible amid the kids and the husband (I swear I’ve had that same moment of saying something that is so important… and met with not quite the response I had hoped for…)
    Being seen and heard is so very important, necessary.
    And damn it, why don’t they see us when they are playing their roughhousing games? My body is bigger than theirs! Ha!
    Corinne recently posted..bigger picture moment: introvertsMy Profile

    1. Seriously, the kids could be in a completely different room and the moment I finally sit down, they are on me. Jumping and squishing me. Crazy boys. And they always nail me right in the chest {OUCH}.

  3. I just cried about this to my husband last night! I was feeling so invisible – completing trivial tasks that don’t seem to matter while so many of my friends get to have careers and lives outside of wiping butts and noses. But I often find that a day like that is almost always followed by a day like this – a day that brings fullness and gratitude and that much-needed connection.
    Lisa recently posted..My Only SunshineMy Profile

    1. It’s true … there is that balance. Perhaps that makes us more grateful for those overwhelming, over-needy moments. Thinking on it further it might be a way of fate giving us the much needed break we’ve been asking for, but we are so stunned by the silence that we can’t appreciate it. Hmmmmm, food for thought.

    1. I know right…I think it’s the extremes that get me. The “mom” “mom” “mom” then nothing … I feel like they are teasing me. Wanting and needy one minute then ditching me the next. I should probably get used to that, because eventually the kids will be gone, leading their own lives. I’m totally going to be one of those crazy empty-nester moms.

  4. Oh I hear you hon. And I’m so glad you found yourself heard, and I’m sorry that moment didn’t come sooner for you. I’ve been there before, and have felt it stretch even longer now that we live half a world away and most people are sleeping when the only thing I want to do is call up a friend and hear a welcoming voice. Loneliness and invisibility sucks. But you are not alone.
    Jade @ Tasting Grace recently posted..Ten Things…My Profile

    1. Awww…it’s so mice to know I’m not alone. I think sometimes that all I need. Just someone to validate the feeling of nothingness. I can’t imagine how much the time change would make that feel even greater. Keep in mind I’m an earlier riser so…if you need someone at the dinner hour to talk to I’m here. 🙂

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