My Perspective: Apologies and Eye Rolls

SCREECH!!!

 

“Shit” I mutter to myself and then immediately mouth “I’m sorry” to the little old lady crossing the street who almost ended up meeting the front end of my car.

 

*

 

“I’m sorry” I tell little red as I reluctantly yet swiftly exit his preschool classroom while a chorus of screams and tears follow me down the hall.

 

*

 

“I’m sorry” I repeat over and over as a client berates me in front of my co-workers, and tears burn my eyes.

 

*

 

“Mommy, can you play with me” the big boy inquires. “I’m sorry” I say guiltily, “I still need to make dinner.”

 

*

 

“You awake” my husband asks. “I’m sorry” I mumble sleepily from my comfy place on the couch.

 

*

 

“I’m sorry” has been on my lips more than ever this past week.

 

I’ll admit I’m a chronic apologizer. Heck I’ll apologize that it’s raining or that I wore the sweater you hate, whatever it is I’ll apologize for it.

 

It’s truly a sickness, and I’m truly getting sick of it.

 

Sure there are moments a heartfelt “I’m sorry” is needed. Like the above scenarios. But there are also times, like one of the above, when I just want to say…

 

“Seriously? Cut me some slack. Have you never ever made a mistake? Sometimes shit happens and I’ve already apologized FIVE times so get over it already.”

 

Yeah…I’d like to say that.

 

But instead I kowtow to the bully and take the verbal beating, which makes me look and feel like a wimp.

 

I’m not sure why I do this. Perhaps it’s because I hate confrontation or I just want to make everyone happy {it’s the Libra in me} or because at a certain point NOTHING I say is going to matter…heck even the “I’m sorry” doesn’t matter.

 

Ahhh…maybe THAT’S why I say I’m sorry so much. Because I want it make a difference. The more I say it the more I hope it will make you less angry, sad or frustrated.

 

Yep…I think that’s it.

 

But it won’t make a difference unless the person at the other end of the apology acknowledges it, and let’s admit it no one does. Well, not in a positive way.

 

I’ve had my apologies greeted with one finger salutes, more yelling, some eye rolls and a “poopie mommy”.

 

That’s harsh…

 

I get it. I totally do.

 

I’ve been on the other end of an apology and kind of blown it off. Let it fall out of the givers mouth and die in the air with an impassioned eye roll.

 

However, I’m trying to change that.

 

If there is a family issue I make sure we all say “I forgive you” to the apologizer. It really does solidify the meaning behind the apology. The offender feels better, because let’s face it they already know they’ve screwed up, and an eye roll isn’t necessary to affirm that fact. And seriously after you say “I forgive you” it douses the mads, sads and angrys a little bit.

 

I’m also trying to change my chronic apologizing. It’s boring and I’m sure you’d like to me say something more profound like, “bummer”, “that sucks” or “well crap”. I also might say things like “I totally get it”, “I feel your pain”, “I want to make it better” or I’m might just give you hug.

 

Tonight when I inevitably get cut off on my way home from work and the driver gives me the “I’m sorry” hand wave I’ll remember to greet that apology positively instead of with a one finger salute.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

CommentLuv badge