The Mirage IS Real

As I enter the house I can already hear the little voices chatting upstairs. The clatter of dishes in the sink, and deep voice of B2 asking the boys about their day. E’s chirping voice enthusiastically detailing the trials and tribulations of preschool life.

They haven’t noticed me yet, and as I continue staring at them from my perch at the top of the stairs I wonder if this is a mirage. Is this family really mine?

Never in a million years did I EVER think I would be here. As the mom of two children, married to a wonderful {and hot} man, and working at a job that allows me to balance family and career.

At an early age, I had always wanted the white picket fence, with little children perfectly coiffed donning matching cardigans, and my husband and I hugging in the background.

That image was just a mirage. I’m a realist. Reality dictated the need for a career before family. I needed work my way up the corporate ladder.

Each rung up the ladder was a struggle for my livelihood, but I remained focused always looking toward the top. There were times when I faltered and my foot would slip. My corporate career path was always just out of my grasp. I kept climbing, fighting, crawling and sacrificing. The higher I climbed the more my heart hurt, but my head won out. “Keep climbing,” it said. “Your heart won’t pay the bills.”

I kept climbing. There were moments when the heartache grew too much to bear I needed to look somewhere else. Through the haze I’d catch a glimpse of the white picket fence and I’d hear the faint sounds of giggling children. Tears formed in my eyes and I mourned the loss of something I never had. But I couldn’t dwell on that I was alone in the desert and what I saw was a mirage.

The ladder was reality.

Over the years I fought my way up the ladder, painstakingly climbing each rung. My body and brain grew weary from the journey. My was heartache unbearable and in a moment of desperation I jumped off the ladder.

Once on solid ground, I saw the mirage in the distance. The blurry outlines of children playing and a handsome man smiling at me.
Blinking back tears, I finally hear his voice. “Hi, honey how was your day?” Wiping my tears I smile and immediately the blurry image comes into focus and I know for certain it is real.

This piece is a product of our Bigger Picture Blogs Writing Circles, where writers come together virtually to share a work and then offer encouragement while giving constructive criticism while applying benevolent pressure to others in the circle.

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Comments

  1. >Nice imagery. I like the way the view from the ladder kept giving you glimpses of the life you wanted.

  2. Jade @ Tasting Grace says:

    >I love this! And I'm so glad you have it. 🙂

  3. Lucy The Valiant says:

    >Oh! this had me crying a little bit!

  4. >Your writing is so moving. You can tell that it really comes from the heart, I like that. You are such a talented writer, there really is nothing more to it than that. Keep it up x x x x

  5. >Hello me again. Just to let you know there is a very well deserved award on my blog with your name on it 🙂 x x x x

  6. IASoupMama says:

    >I love it when all the happy comes together!

  7. alita jewel says:

    >You nailed it sister. I enjoyed reading this again!

    Alita

  8. wiping away the tears, so beautiful. Great post.
    karen recently posted..Focus, wedding dress, and soy ice creamMy Profile

  9. I will be back to check out Writer Circles. I’m getting ready to do Kindle Direct Publishing and belong to a small critique group. Nice post. Good images. I wrote a post this week about a woman who is writing her novel online through Google docs and people can literally see the words come out one by one. Happy SITS day.
    Sheila Skillingstead recently posted..Watching a novel emergeMy Profile

  10. Beautifully written. How wonderful that you are so pleased with where you are in life. What a great thing.
    misssrobin recently posted..If They Don’t Mean to Hurt You, Is It Still Abuse?My Profile

  11. Sometimes I have to remind myself that the here and now I have is better than the what if in my head – just because it actually exists. This post was a good reminder for me today.
    Christa the BabbyMama recently posted..I Can’t Recall If I’ve Mentioned This Yet, So…My Profile

  12. I so hear you. And I’m glad you’re living your dream life. Enjoy it. It’s real.
    Classic NYer recently posted..On conversations with rodents pt 2 (the birthday edition)My Profile

  13. Oh man, I can really, really relate to this. I haven’t jumped the ladder yet, out of necessity…but one day I will!
    Kristin recently posted..5 Tips for Mud RunsMy Profile

  14. Wow- sounds like you found just what you needed. I’ve never even stepped foot on the ladder so this was interesting to read.

  15. {Melinda} So, so sweet. Isn’t is amazing when God fulfills the desires of our hearts?

    Happy SITS Day!
    Mothering From Scratch recently posted..hide and seek: how community sets you freeMy Profile

  16. I so enjoyed reading this. Not only for the beautiful words but for the emotions behind them. Thank you for sharing and Happy SITS Day!

  17. That’s a good piece, made me revisit my life. Happy SITS Day!
    Whitney recently posted..What’s Brewing At The Mocha CafeMy Profile

  18. This is so touching and your writing is truly inspiring…inspiring to just be real and not hold back. After reading this, I tried to do just that: not hold back as I composed my recent post…
    Lisa Maurer recently posted..No birthday party for usMy Profile

  19. This is a great post! Happy SITS Day!
    Mimi recently posted..DIY Chicken Broth Dog TreatsMy Profile

  20. I feel ya. I look at my life in amazement too sometimes.
    krystle recently posted..Dragon Slayer Child Costume [Review]My Profile

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