I watch from my car, they bombard me from the right and the left, cyclists speeding by in their race jerseys, training for triathlons. Moms running with jogging strollers in hot pink tank tops with shoes to match.
So many running, so many biking and doing and smiling and soaking up the smidge of sun that tentatively peeks through the all too common rain clouds.
It’s only been two days of rest. ONLY two, but it feels like forever. Perhaps it’s the uncertainty, the worry that I won’t heal in time.
That’s when the sadness breaks and I get angry.
Angry at the world.
Angry at myself for pushing too hard.
Angry at work for making is so damn difficult to schedule a simple chiro appointment.
Angry at the bikers and runners that get to do everything I should be doing.
I’m on the cusp of race day. Just over 15 days away and I’m waylaid. Held prisoner by a body that doesn’t want to go right now.
Throughout my years I know that 90 percent of how I act and react to life is both mind and body driven. Often they don’t agree, the body doesn’t want to go to the dentist, but the mind convinces it to go.
Sometimes the mind wants to do crazy things and body refuses its demands.
Then there are those rare occasions when they finally nod their heads in agreement and say YES this is it, and I get the best damn run of my life. I feel like I’m flying down the sidewalk, perfect form, breath at an even pace and I feel like I could run forever.
I miss those days.
Right now I’m still.
My body silent except for the tiny screams heard each time my hip is tweaked in the wrong direction. Deep down I know rest is best, and that the body is calling the shots right now.
Reluctantly, I have succumbed taking a break, quieting the mind and body to promote healing.
It’s not easy. It’s hard. But no one said life was easy.
And the best thing about the mind is that it breeds hope. That little glimmer of silver lining in the storm clouds. Because just as the storm passes and sun shines again, so will I and one way or another I’ll cross a finish line this summer.
You will heal, my friend. There are seasons for everything. This your season for healing and heaping garlands of grace on your body and your mind. Praying for you.
I still need another surgery on my left knee. I don’t have “time” … I never have “time” and all those runners (I use to run every. single. day) in their hot pink tanks with their matching shoes (ahem, we see the same people I think) make me insanely jealous.
I get what you mean. I totally understand what you mean.
Listen to your body and heal. At least you don’t need knee replacement surgery… ahem. 😉
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