Month: May 2013

I watch from my car, they bombard me from the right and the left, cyclists speeding by in their race jerseys, training for triathlons. Moms running with jogging strollers in hot pink tank tops with shoes to match.

So many running, so many biking and doing and smiling and soaking up the smidge of sun that tentatively peeks through the all too common rain clouds.

It’s only been two days of rest. ONLY two, but it feels like forever. Perhaps it’s the uncertainty, the worry that I won’t heal in time.

That’s when the sadness breaks and I get angry.

Angry at the world.

Angry at myself for pushing too hard.

Angry at work for making is so damn difficult to schedule a simple chiro appointment.

Angry at the bikers and runners that get to do everything I should be doing.

I’m on the cusp of race day. Just over 15 days away and I’m waylaid. Held prisoner by a body that doesn’t want to go right now.

Throughout my years I know that 90 percent of how I act and react to life is both mind and body driven. Often they don’t agree, the body doesn’t want to go to the dentist, but the mind convinces it to go.

Sometimes the mind wants to do crazy things and body refuses its demands.

Then there are those rare occasions when they finally nod their heads in agreement and say YES this is it, and I get the best damn run of my life. I feel like I’m flying down the sidewalk, perfect form, breath at an even pace and I feel like I could run forever.

I miss those days.

Right now I’m still.

My body silent except for the tiny screams heard each time my hip is tweaked in the wrong direction. Deep down I know rest is best, and that the body is calling the shots right now.

Reluctantly, I have succumbed taking a break, quieting the mind and body to promote healing.

It’s not easy. It’s hard. But no one said life was easy.

And the best thing about the mind is that it breeds hope. That little glimmer of silver lining in the storm clouds. Because just as the storm passes and sun shines again, so will I and one way or another I’ll cross a finish line this summer.

I stare at the blank page.

My fingers hit the keys typing a sentence.

“Ugh, that doesn’t sound right,” I think to myself.

My fingers hit the keys … backspace, backspace, backspace.

I’m still staring at the blank page.

My mind wanders, twirling thoughts that center around TO DO lists, and worries.

Eventually, I click off the stark white page and head to Facebook. My brain can handle Facebook, but right now it can’t handle flowery prose and grammatically correct sentences.

I’m sucked into the vortex of mindlessness. Reading status updates of others accomplishments and poetic blog posts, and my heart sinks into nothingness.

I want my voice back!

I want my creative mojo back!

I want to WRITE!

Like really write. FOR ME!

Sure I’ve been writing fashion posts, and recapping the week in Sound Bytes, and sharing my stories of motherhood on the Iowa City Moms Blog. However, all that writing is for someone else, it’s to serve an informative purpose.

I’ve been asking myself what my end game is. Did I really expect to make big money from this blog, or hit it big like some of the famous bloggers out there? No…I started it because I like to write {scratch that} LOVE to write. And now it’s been sucked away, amidst the pressure to “be more” and “do more”.

It’s not the heart’s song I’ve written before.

It’s time to find the melody of the words again.

Because you can’t and shouldn’t SEO the heart’s song. I shouldn’t need affirmations or sponsored posts to prove I’m worthy enough to blog. My blog has always been a way for me to tell my story, share my experiences and inspire others. I’ll never make millions, but I might just make a million new friends, which is enough for me.

I want to go back to the time when words fell from my fingers like rain from the sky. When it was effortless and exhilarating…it’s time.

Happy Back to Work Day!

Hopefully you were able to fire up the grill and spend some time relaxing with family during the long weekend. We’ve been arguing with rain here, and unfortunately the rain is winning, but it didn’t stop me from tackling some of our Three Flower Power Missions.

As I wandered {child-free} through the mall on Saturday I popped into my local LOFT store and picked up a pair of floral shorts for only $25, and {drumroll please} a striped shirt to go with it.

Thanks to the lovely sales ladies {who both said stripes go with floral} I was able to let go of my OCD and pair a striped tank with my new shorts.

Ok, so maybe it’s the “safe girl’s” version of stripes, but it’s still stripes. Ironically, it wasn’t so much the stripes that were the issue, it was the white / off-white issues. All their striped tops were white with another color and the shorts were cream. Hence, the black on black compromise. Plus this tank is versatile and comfy.

The shorts are linen and uber comfy as well. I’m all about comfort when it’s steamy out that’s for sure.

Although, with all this rainy and cold weather it may be a while before I can wear my new outfit.

So, how did you do on our THREE Missions? Were you brave enough to wear floral and stripes?

What’s in store for next month?

Well, it does involve yoga pants, in a good way. If you are a fit fashionista, we’d love to interview you for June.